Beyond Recall
by crystallizedwinter
Summary: An AU fic in which Bishamon reincarnates during her arc rather than surviving.


It's finally done! This fic has been sitting around for a long time. Sorry for the rather vague summary. This is dedicated to nightingalemusic on tumblr. Consider this a late birthday gift. :) Special thanks to my friend for being my beta.

* * *

 _1._

The first time Bishamon hears his name is in her dreams, a week after she has been reincarnated. Walking down the familiar halls of her residence, she sees a shinki that she doesn't recognize with a few branches of cherry blossoms in his hands. As he notices her approaching, he smiles at her.

"I cut these branches off the tree today," he says, taking the withered flowers out of the large vase nearby. "They looked so pretty I thought I would bring a few branches back." The shinki arranges the branches carefully before admiring them. He is silent for a few moments before turning back to Bishamon. "They resemble Kazuma." Bishamon gives him a confused look.

"Kazuma…?" She says slowly before receiving an equally confused look in return. The shinki opens his mouth to say something but he vanishes along with the rest of the dream as Aiha gently wakes her up for the day.

 _2._

"The cherry blossoms are so pretty!" Bishamon cries as she twirls around under the falling blossoms. Kugaha smiles as he sits underneath the tree.

"Would you like me to put them in your hair?" Aiha calls.

"Yes!" Bishamon runs over to Aiha and sits down next to her with a small thump. Aiha tells her to wait patiently as she gathers the blossoms. Carefully combing out Bishamon's long, golden hair, Aiha weaves them in one by one. Bishamon picks a blossom from the pile beside Aiha and studies it carefully.

" _They resemble Kazuma."_

"Aiha," She says suddenly.

"Yes?"

"Who's Kazuma?" Kugaha's head turns sharply toward her as he hears the name of the dead blessed regalia. There was no way Bishamon could know about Kazuma. Neither he or Aiha had mentioned him at all. Aiha flashes him a distressed look, unsure what to say.

"Kazuma…" Kugaha says slowly, "was someone you knew in your past life." Bishamon looks at him, expecting more of an explanation, but gets none. She sighs softly, and decides to let the topic go. Despite how curious she is, she knows that she will get no more answers from Kugaha.

 _3._

It happens when they're exploring. Bishamon finds an album and opens it excitedly. Kugaha doesn't tell her much about her past life, which she finds odd. To her, the album is a peek into the past, one that she is eager to know about.

"Aiha, come look at these photos!" Bishamon says excitedly. "I had so many shinki!" Aiha doesn't say anything. She can't. "Aiha?" Bishamon asks as she looks carefully at each photo. As she flips through the collection of photos Aiha fights to hold back her tears. She doesn't say a word as she sees the faces of all her dead friends. Tsuguha, Suzuha, Yugiha, face after face.

"It was the right thing to do," she whispers to herself. Her eyes are filled with tears, threatening to spill over at any minute. Biting her lip, she struggles to hold them back. She draws in a shaky breath in a weak attempt to keep her breathing level.

Finally, Bishamon stops and reaches the last page. It's an entire page of photos with Bishamon and Kazuma together. Bishamon studies them for a long time. She looks up at Aiha, expectantly.

"Who is he? Is he Kazuma?" She asks, curiously.

A sob claws at Aiha's throat. She doesn't answer and bolts out of the room, overcome by guilt.

 _4._

Another dream. This time, she's watching her past self. She's crying into a shinki's lap. Bishamon wonders why she's so upset. It's painful to watch; her past self has been sobbing painfully for five minutes now. It's a tragic sound, one that echoes around the surroundings. The sobs quiet slowly, and the shinki looks relieved.

"I don't need anymore shinki!" She cries as the tears return and pour down her face. "You're all I need, Kazuma!" Her breathing has become uneven. "I don't want anymore terrible memories." The sobs die down again and the shinki gently runs his hand over her hair. Bishamon wonders what her past self is referring to, but something stops her. She knows that she may never find the answer.

 _5._

Bishamon is dreaming again. This time, she sees herself with a young man with brown hair. He looks a bit different than in the last dream. Bishamon watches the two of them, this time certain that he is Kazuma.

"How could you be so irresponsible?" Kazuma said, irritated. Bishamon glared at him.

"Are you still going on about that? It's nothing serious."

"Nothing serious? You got hurt!"

"Kazuma, I am a god of war." Bishamon waved her hand at him, tired of the argument.

Kazuma frowned. "That's no excuse! You still need to be careful!"

"Why are you so worried?!" Bishamon yelled, frustrated.

" _Because I love you!"_ Bishamon's eyes widened at his outburst. Kazuma took an uneven breath. "I don't want to lose you." He said quietly. Bishamon gives him a small smile before softly pressing her lips against his. It's short, but enough to get Kazuma's heart racing.

"Now can you stop worrying?" Kazuma doesn't say anything. His face is bright red. Bishamon laughs lightly as the dream disappears.

 _6._

"Aiha," Bishamon asks a few days later over lunch. Kugaha isn't with them today. "Are any of my previous shinki still alive besides the two of you?" Aiha almost chokes. With Kugaha absent, she can't have him answer her question. She swallows.

"Yes, a few." She lies. Bishamon smiles at her.

"I want to see them again." This time, Aiha chokes. Her stomach churns as she realizes the mistake she's made. "I'm sure you would like to see them again right?" Aiha holds Bishamon's gaze, tears spilling over her cheeks and onto the long dining room table. All the emotions she has been holding back all overflow as she sobs uncontrollably.

"I'm so sorry…" Aiha cries. Bishamon looks at her, confused. She lets Aiha cry for a long time, before trying to calm her down. "You can't tell Kugaha about this." She whispers, her voice shaking. "I can't tell you the truth about Kazuma and the others, but the god Yato can." Bishamon nods. "You should go now, while Kugaha is still gone." Aiha looks Bishamon in the eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you Aiha." Bishamon says, smiling at her. "I don't know what you did, but I forgive you." Aiha gives her a sad smile and watches as Bishamon leaves the residence.

 _7._

It takes her a while, but she finally finds Yato. He's been elusive for quite some time now, and Bishamon is sure that it has something to do with her. He is in an alleyway when she finally meets him. She notices his hands are gripped tightly around two swords. Her footsteps are soft, and he doesn't notice her approaching.

"Mr. Yato? I'm sorry to bother you, but can you please tell you about my previous incarnation?" Yato stiffens. The memories of that terrible day flashes before his eyes. He shakes his head. She's better off not knowing about the incident.

"Please? Kugaha won't tell me anything." Yato stays silent again, but he grips his shinki tighter.

"Why won't you tell me anything?" She asked, her voice rising. Bishamon is desperate. Everyone around her seems to know something, and she's the only one in the dark. They all have secrets connected to her. The dreams have been plaguing her for weeks now and they still deny her the truth.

"Answer me Yato!" She screams, tears streaming down her face out of frustration. He's the only one who knows, the only one who has answers. After a heavy silence, Yato turns around.

"I killed you." He says quietly. The silence that follows is long and heavy. Yato turns to go, but Bishamon still needed more answers.

"Please tell me about Kazuma." Yato face twists into a painful look, but decides to tell her the one thing she's after.

"He was your blessed regalia." It's dark, but Bishamon swears she sees tears in his eyes.

"Was?" Bishamon whispers.

"He was the lead shinki, and a very good one. He could command your whole team of regalia." Yato smiles sadly. He remembers the very first time he met Kazuma. He'd come running to him with such an absurd request. Perhaps, if he hadn't granted that wish, things wouldn't have gone the way they did. "He was strong, even until the very end." Yato meets Bishamon's eyes, his eyes shining. "He died trying to save you." The bloody scene flickers across Yato's mind.

There was a long, heavy silence after that statement.

"What did he transform into?" Bishamon asks, breaking the silence.

"An earring shaped like a cherry blossom." The picture she had seen in the photo album flashes across her mind.

"What happened to everyone?" Yato draws in a sharp breath.

"Do you really want to know?" He asks. He sounded pained. Bishamon nods. "They were slaughtered by masked ayakashi. I… killed you because of a foolish mistake. Kugaha planned the entire thing. You and I both got caught in his trap." Yato gave a helpless laugh before looking up to meet her gaze. "I'm sorry."

 _8._

Bishamon confronts Kugaha the following evening.

"I know the truth." She says quietly to him when the three of them are sitting together. Kugaha doesn't seem to understand. He laughs and asks her how her day went. "Kugaha," She says, louder this time. "I know that you made Yato kill my previous incarnation, and that you slaughtered all my shinki." Bishamon braces herself for an angry outburst but she is met with another laugh.

"It was for your own good." Kugaha says, smiling at her. Aiha looks at him in disgust. She turns to Bishamon.

"Please dismiss him!" Aiha begs. She is close to tears. "He's been forcing me to keep quiet about your past. He's even threaten me several times!" Bishamon looks at Kugaha, who is laughing.

"I am your head shinki." He says. "You can't dismiss me." Bishamon frowns. Aiha is standing now, ready to attack. Bishamon has to pull her back before she backs away.

"Kugaha," Bishamon says softly. "I have no idea what you were like with my previous incarnation, but for the few months that I've known you, you have been so kind." Bishamon fought to hold back her tears. "I thank you for everything you've done for me. For me and my past incarnation." She holds up her hand and Kugaha's name starts to glow.

"You can't be serious!" Kugaha cries. Bishamon shakes her head and gives him a sad smile.

"I am so sorry." Tears are streaming down her face. Although she feels sad, deep inside her heart, something is telling her she's doing the right thing.

"Rokki, I hereby release you from the name I've bestowed upon you."

 _9._

One by one, more and more shinki join Bishamon's team. The dreams have stopped now, but Aiha has told her so many stories of her past incarnation. There is one thing that Aiha has told her that stands out to her though. It's a nickname. The first time Aiha says it, it tugs at her heart and it feels familiar.

Viina.

Kazuma, Aiha says, used to call her that. She tells her how she'd always known the two fancied each other. Bishamon can't help but feel attached to the name, despite the fact that her current self knows very little of the memories it holds. Nevertheless, she knows there are many things attached to it, and it's the very least she can do to honour Kazuma.

 _10._

Kazuma comes back, one last time in her dreams. Bishamon runs into his arms. "Kazuma!"

"Viina," he says softly. "Viina."

"I swear I will find you and make you my shinki again." Bishamon vows, looking up at him. Her eyes shine with tears.

Kazuma shakes his head sadly. "I can't come back." He can feel himself running out of time, but he fights to stay with Bishamon, if only for a few moments longer.

"Kazuma!" Bishamon cries. "I only want you as a shinki." Kazuma gives her a sad smile at the familiar words. He always knew that saying goodbye would be hard. He reaches for her hands, giving them a small squeeze.

"It was an honour serving you. I'll never forget you." Kazuma's own eyes glisten with tears. Bishamon hugs him tightly. Kazuma leans forward and presses a warm kiss to her forehead.

"Goodbye, Viina."


End file.
